New Year...

A new year, a fresh start. I have to say that 2007 was a trying year for me. I was so positive that it would be the year that my only other wish would come true. I had already met and married the man of my dreams, so all that was left was to start a family. That was something that I have waited forever for. I guess I took for granted that it would just be so easy. It started out easy enough. I got pregnant in April, miscarried in May, got pregnant in June and had complications in August and that was over too.

Now for the past four months I have been trying. I have been living life two weeks at a time, and two weeks is just too much. It comes and goes easy enough. Like when my time of the month is over I have this great anticipation and hope waiting for that smiley face to show up on my OPK. And then comes that two week period of time when I'm constantly analyzing every little feeling in my stomach, wondering if my breasts are feeling sore or tender, wondering if there's some implantation going on. I can never wait until just about 4 or 5 days until I'm supposed to get my period. I wake up and run to the bathroom with that digital home pregnancy test waiting impatiently to see only ONE word. And then that horrible three letter word pops up right in front of pregnant...NOT! How can I hate such a little word so much? But then I think that I just took the test too early...so I am not so dissapointed. There's always tomorrow. And tomorrow comes and I'm talking myself out of taking another test too soon. So I wait just one more day. And there's that three letter word again...NOT. But of course I probably just miscalculated the number of days until I'm supposed to get my period. Yeah right. I have it down to a science and I know when I'm getting it and I know that the test is right. Who am I kidding. And I do this over and over again.

I was starting to lose hope. Christmas was not as special as it could've been. I mean I would've been 6 months pregnant. I would've been due in March. And now I'm begging a pee stick to not make me mad and just tell me what I want to hear. But I guess that 2007 was just not my year. It was an odd year and after all I like even numbers. So 2008 has just started and I can't help but be convinced that this is my year. I know it's gonna happen and I'm not losing faith. Oh yeah, but there's also that dreaded lump I found five days ago. What a way to kick me when I'm down. But thankfully it turned out to be a cyst. I'll touch more on that in my next post. This was a long time coming...I mean me actually sitting down and starting this blog. So stay tuned...it should get interesting.