Monday, June 30, 2008

Thank You

I just wanted to post and say thanks to the many who stopped by to offer support. It was a pretty rough weekend, lots of hating the world and feeling like I was losing faith. I really felt like I couldn't even count any more the many times over and over that I had a negative result on a home pregnancy test, the many times I got my period when I was so sure that I was pregnant, and the many miscarriages. I'm feeling a little better right now, still sad and trying not to feel hopeless.
My husband is being really supportive, but there are even times when he just can't say the right thing either. I'm trying not to take it out on him, it's so easy to do that.
I'm trying to catch up on all of your blogs as well. It's been kinda hard to focus right now and stay positive.

But again, thanks for all of the kind words.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Sad, sad, sad...

I don't have much to say today. I waited to write, instead of posting my Beta results on Monday, because my levels were low - 24 - and this morning I went in for my second blood test. I was so hoping for my levels to have doubled, because for some reason I knew that the number was low and that the nurse who called to give me the results didn't sound very optimistic.
As soon as my phone rang today and it was my doctor and not some nurse calling with results, I knew right away that it was bad news.
He said my numbers went down and they consider it a chemical pregnancy. I mean I was hoping for both the embryos to make it and I was so thrilled at the prospect of twins. But to get a call that neither one made it...too much.
I am so devastated right now. I went through so many months of trying on my own, only to be let down month after month after month.
When I started this whole IVF process in March, I don't think I've ever been so optimistic. But I kinda thought something was wrong on Monday. I had the kind of cramps you get right before you get your period. I spent the whole morning and early afternoon trying to ignore them while I waited for my beta results.
The doctor said the good news was that I did get pregnant and that I have 3 frozen embryos. I'll just have to wait one cycle and we will transfer again.
I'm trying to sound ok right now, but I just want to cry. I came home from work early and I getting into bed right now to watch some tv and hopefully fall asleep.
Thanks for all the wishes of luck from everyone. I guess let's pray for part 2...

Monday, June 16, 2008

Waiting once again...

So, here we are once again...waiting.
Friday...the 13th was my transfer date. They transferred back 2. It went well and I'm happy to say that the dull pain I had all week from the retrieval seemed to almost disappear right after the transfer. Of course as I lay in the recovery room I was remembering a few of the last episodes of The*Office that I had just watched and I was laughing hysterically while I was waiting for my husband to be brought in. Don't ask me why this is what I was thinking about.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing and took it easy the rest of the weekend.
I go in on Wednesday and Friday for bloodwork and Monday is my PG test.
I'm trying not to think too much about it and I'm really trying hard not to wonder if I'm feeling any symptoms.
Fingers crossed!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Retrieval Update

OK, so here's the retrieval update...
  • 14 oocytes from yesterday's retrieval
  • 2 immature
  • 12 mature
  • 11 fertilized

I'm so excited, shocked, nervous...

I can't put it into words. I start my progesterone injection tonight and now comes the daily wait to see the progress. Wednesday there will be a biopsy and then the genetic testing. My transfer day is this Friday...the 13th. I'm so not superstitious, in fact I like the number thirteen so I'm very optimistic!!!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Delayed Update

Hello all! Sorry for the absence once again. I'm happy to report that my Lupron and Follistim injections have been going well. I had a few days of painful injections and some bleeding but I don't know why because the rest have been just fine. I still can't do them myself, and my DH has been fantastic about doing them every night.
I have been going for my daily monitoring for the last week now. I'm up at 5:30am every morning to be there bright and early for bloodwork and ultrasounds. My arms, or pin cushions as I like to call them, are all bruised up. It's hard to cover them on the days when it is really hot but so far I have been getting away with a light sweater. They really look crappy.
My doctor told me today that it looks like a Sunday retrieval. Which means I would do my trigger shot tomorrow night. It's crazy how fast it all is happening. When this whole process started I felt like it would take forever. I didn't even think I could do the shots, but I'm a pro. At least with the little needles. I have been staring at my trigger shot needle and it looks huge. I hope it doesn't hurt...
I am so nervously excited!!!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Not so bad...

I'm happy to report that the injections are not so bad. The first one didn't hurt at all, in fact I didn't even feel it and I thought my husband was playing a trick on me. Of course I almost passed out right before he did it, and that was only after I kept saying "I can't do it, I can't do it". Then I started freaking out because I thought if I can't do these little small needles, how the hell am I going to do the trigger shot or the progesterone shots?

The last few pinched a little more but I think I was squeezing my skin too tight. And in case you're wondering, I haven't given myself the shot husband has been so good about it. I'm just hoping that he can do all of them for me because I really don't think I can do it myself. He wants me to practice in case he has to work late and I tried to last night but I just couldn't do it.

Maybe knowing that he was right there and would do it for me made me not really try. Now I'm just waiting for my period so that I can go in for a day 3 ultrasound. Blah, that should be fun.

Thanks for all the encouragement out there. I promise to let you guys know if I actually get up enough nerve to do it myself.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Lupron Eve

First off I'd like to apologize for my absence. I have no excuse, I've just been not feeling like myself lately. Couldn't bring myself to blog much. I have to catch up on all my fellow bloggers as well.
I've been waiting for the day to come, when I would officially start this whole IVF thing, and that day is tomorrow. I ovulated on the 8th, so tomorrow night I give myself my first Lupron injection. Up until now, this whole thing has been surreal. I never thought I would be doing this and even after all the appointments and picking up all of my prescriptions, it seemed as if it was gonna happen to someone else.
I started taking a different pre*natal vitamin as well and it makes me feel a little weird. I'm not sure if I'm nauseous or not. I guess that's a good thing.
But I'm so nervous for tomorrow. I've watched a bunch of women on the internet giving themselves their first Lupron injection and everyone seems like it's no big deal.
So it's no big deal for me either. But yes it is. I can't make up my mind. I told my mom today that after tomorrow my life will change and hopefully for the better. This is the beginning of something great. I can just feel it.
I promise not to take so long in between posts!!!