Lump

So, back to the lump situation. I somehow realized that things weren't the way they used to be with my breasts. It was the weirdest moment of my life. I felt this lump and almost thought that it wasn't even my breast I was feeling. It was almost funny, and then just as quick as it was funny it became very scary. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I felt like I wouldn't be able to speak.

My DH was laying right next to me and I contemplated for about a minute or so not even telling him. But who are we kidding, I need emotional support and I can't pretend something like that is not a big deal. I said "honey" three or four times and then thought...maybe I can't speak. Maybe I thought I said something. He finally heard me and realized that I had a shocked look on my face. I asked him to feel the lump and tell me that I was just hallucinating. But he didn't...tell me that I was hallucinating. He just said "go get it checked out and don't get upset until you know what it is". It almost sounded like an order and I would've gotten mad but then he grabbed me and started hugging me. That made it worse because I just felt like he knew something I didn't and I just felt like DAMN! I just thought I had the worst year of my life and trying to get pregnant was enough stress. I can't add this to it!!! This is unfair.

I probably spent the next three or four days doing the "woe is me" bit, in my head, out loud. It didn't matter. My DH was the only one I said anything to and I wouldn't tell anyone until I went to the doctor. But I sort of procrastinated and did what I hate most. I made excuses up for why I couldn't see the doctor two days in a row. Once again, DH let me know that my health was more important than anything and I had already self-diagnosed and was acting like I had a death sentence. I must be a drama queen because I thought about how much I hate when my dad does that. Every pain, every ache, everything is a death sentence and now he's learned how to G.oogle and he's learning all kinds of things about every illness he thinks he has.

Anyway, I went in to see my doctor and she immediately checked out the situation and very quickly, almost too quickly, made an appointment for me to get a mammogram and ultrasound. And when I say too quick, I mean she made the appointment for me for the next half hour. Well, that made me think that she knew something she wasn't telling me either. The 15 minute drive felt like the longest 15 minutes ever. But damn, once I got there everything happened one two three. Mammogram, ultrasound, one nurse, a second nurse and then the doctor checked my slides, gave me a check-up and told me it was just a cyst. If it didn't bother me, we would just leave it alone.

Talk about breathing a sigh of relief. I had already envisioned myself going through chemo and never having a baby. I'm just thankful that I'm ok and now I can go back to the business of TTC.

Couple of more days and I should be ovulating. Then starts the dreaded two week wait. But I am a lot more optimistic and grateful and I thank God that it was only a cyst. Bring on the two week wait!!! I'm ready!!