Anticipation

Two more days until I see the specialist. It looks like I will probably be heading down the IVF road. I never thought I'd say this but I'm strangely excited about the whole thing. I almost feel like some sort of weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm putting the hard work in the hands of people who do know what they are doing.

I've been feeling like maybe I'm just doing something wrong. Every month that has gone by with negative results has been such a let down. I know that if I start the IVF I have so much more to think about on a daily basis, but I really feel like I'm not alone in this now.

When I was a little girl I always thought that I would have one baby after another. Coming from a family of five kids I couldn't see myself only having one. Now I pray for at least one. It feels like it's so out of my reach.

I don't know what to expect on Friday but I can't wait. I just want someone to tell me it will happen. It can happen, it's gonna happen.

I've been doing a lot of reading and I know that I will have to become friends with the needle. The needle and I aren't really close. In fact it was only recently that I found myself relaxing enough to give blood without practically fainting. I will do whatever I have to do to conceive and I can't wait. Did I mention I can't wait to go to this appointment of Friday??

I'm taking the day off of work and hubby and I are embarking on a journey that I hope we are ready for. I know I am. I just hope I don't leave this appointment feeling discouraged or scared.

I will post more after the visit.