Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Sad, sad, sad...

I don't have much to say today. I waited to write, instead of posting my Beta results on Monday, because my levels were low - 24 - and this morning I went in for my second blood test. I was so hoping for my levels to have doubled, because for some reason I knew that the number was low and that the nurse who called to give me the results didn't sound very optimistic.
As soon as my phone rang today and it was my doctor and not some nurse calling with results, I knew right away that it was bad news.
He said my numbers went down and they consider it a chemical pregnancy. I mean I was hoping for both the embryos to make it and I was so thrilled at the prospect of twins. But to get a call that neither one made it...too much.
I am so devastated right now. I went through so many months of trying on my own, only to be let down month after month after month.
When I started this whole IVF process in March, I don't think I've ever been so optimistic. But I kinda thought something was wrong on Monday. I had the kind of cramps you get right before you get your period. I spent the whole morning and early afternoon trying to ignore them while I waited for my beta results.
The doctor said the good news was that I did get pregnant and that I have 3 frozen embryos. I'll just have to wait one cycle and we will transfer again.
I'm trying to sound ok right now, but I just want to cry. I came home from work early and I getting into bed right now to watch some tv and hopefully fall asleep.
Thanks for all the wishes of luck from everyone. I guess let's pray for part 2...

16 comments:

sarah said...

I am so so sorry...I was so hoping this was it for you. I will be thinking of you and hope that the next time things work out much much better. So sad for you guys...

Pepper said...

I'm visiting from Lost and Found and just wanted to say how sorry I am. I hope the coming days bring you peace and comfort and that the FET is successful.

Dreamer4agift said...

I'm so so sorry. It's okay to just cry, though, you don't have to act "okay."

Amy said...

I wish I could say more than I'm sorry. I wish there were words with more meaning. But I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

BB and MTB said...

So sorry to read about your loss. Good luck with everything that comes next.

emilythehopeless said...

i'm so sorry.. sending hugs

Ally said...

I'm so sorry about your news. I wish I had something better and more comforting to say, but I'm sorry is all I have. I wish you peace and comfort during this time.

Deborah said...

Coming over from Lost and Found. Words can't express to you how sorry I am. Please know that you are not alone.

Michell said...

I'm so sorry.

soapchick said...

I'm so sorry.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm so sorry.

sara said...

I am so so sorry. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I wish I could just reach out and give you a hug - I am so sorry.

Joy said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I had one of those and it was so hard.

Hope2morrow said...

Gee, reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I have so been in your exact same shoes. I am so sorry, dear. I'll check back on you in a few days!

Man, this is so much harder than I ever dreamed it would be.

Cibele said...

I am so sorry. HUGS

Michael, Karen, Morgan, J.D. & Levi said...

I am so sorry. I have walked the same path (1 chemical, 1 ectopic and 1 miscarriage) We even lost all of our remaining embryo's during a thaw.
The good news, you got PREGNANT! That is great. I know it may be hard, but hang in there. We did and ended up with our miracle on cycle #4. I hope and pray things will work out next time! In my prayers during your sadness.